My mind is whirling like a carnival ride on this brisk and beautiful morning. I can't say that this is a rare occurrence, but it has me antsy and in a writing mood, so here I am. I spent the late night hours of yesterday gathering the necessities for African travel and making lists: Cipro for emergency diarrhea care, 100% DEET to ward off those nasty little blood-sucking malaria carriers, sun block, a Portuguese-English dictionary for my communication dysfunction...the list goes on. I got to thinking about all that lies ahead on this trip. And then I thought about all of the preparations that still need to be made, and all that I'm leaving behind - my students, my dissertation project, my band. As I thought about all that lies ahead and all that's staying behind, I began to feel overwhelmed, small, unprepared, unfit. Who do I think I am, taking all of this on? I can't carry it all. I'm just a kid, I'm not professional enough, I'm not prepared enough, I don't know enough Portuguese...
But this is what I always forget: I don't have to carry it all. I don't have to carry it all in my suitcase. I don't have to carry it all on my shoulders. All I can do is go into this with eyes and heart wide open, leaning heavily on the One who carries it all for us. The One who carries me. "Permit the children to come to me; do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all." In this, I find hope that my youth, my lack of professionalism, my idealism, and my child-like enthusiasm, placed in God's hands, will be enough.
I have a dear, soul-lovely friend who is like me in many ways. We talk
about feeling everything at an 11.5 when your average Joe feels at about
a 4. Perhaps this is narcissistic, but it's how we wrap our heads around our overflowing hearts. This friend writes, "Suitcase is irrelevant. Just take that perfect, beautiful heart". It's about all I have. I'm trusting that as I offer this perfect, beautiful, broken-winged, giggly, loud-mouthed heart, like an unhindered child running into the arms of her mother, it will indeed be enough.